we are all our hands and holders

On Saturday, I competed in my last league championship meet.  My last CHLs ever.  I suppose I don't really blog about this type of event very often, this sort of specific post about an event in my life (especially something swimming-related, considering I'm usually just going through the motions when it comes to meets), but this meet brought me back to the idea of last-things.

It's true that I have had my last first day of school, my last first semester, my last floatbuilding, my last fall homecoming.  But I haven't really had any lasts regarding swimming, and so it's strange for this to happen and for me to look back on something I've been a part of for four years and see that it's coming to an end.

My freshman year, we were so much better than the other high schools in our league that we could make CHL champion t-shirts without worrying about someone else pulling ahead for the win.  My sophomore year, however, we won the meet by one point, and my junior year, we lost.  This year, we managed to win, but a team that for the past three years has flown under the radar took second place instead of our usual competitors.

It is all very interesting to look back on because I don't think that as a team we have gotten considerably worse or better.  Yes, we have lost a few key swimmers through my four years, but honestly, the same could have been expected from all the other teams, and we have swimmers who have stepped up to maintain our success.  It has been such an interesting four years, and yet I haven't realized until just now how amazing it is that we adjust to each year's team, find a new balance between us, and try so hard for success.

I can remember years where we have lost key swimmers and have wondered what in the world we were going to do the next year without them -- and yet each year, we have somehow pulled through; we have somehow fostered a bond among ourselves and been what I would definitely call successful.  And I guess that says something not only about my high school team but about people in general: that we learn how to adjust.  We cover our weak areas, are thankful for our strengths.  We look to our friends and teammates for support, and they help us cope.

In a way, I am happy to have had my last league meet turn out the way it did.  I did not place individually as well as I have in the past years, but my times were not considerably worse -- the competition was simply faster.  And as I approach State feeling the pressure to repeat a third state championship, I am trying my best to feel calm, because all I can do is swim fast.  All I can do is swim a time that I am happy with.  If a fast freshman's best happens to be better than mine, then all I can know and understand is that I've done my very best to adjust to the circumstances, and no matter what, my team will be there to high-five me afterward.

It may have taken me four years to realize that, but it brings me so much peace to understand.

photo by Tyler